The following is an entry from what is to be my travel diary, concerning the events of the past few days:
What do you do when it all falls down, when your dreams and plans come to nothing? Who do you turn to when you feel overlooked by god because things have turned out differently from how they “ought to” yet again. I found out last night that my visa and passport are still at the High Commission in London and have had to rearrange all of the travel plans in response. I am now supposed to be leaving on the 15th of October, meaning that I will miss one week of HS25. I’m feeling very disappointed and frustrated with all of this, it’s definitely something I wish I didn’t have to endure, but I have to remind myself of the sovereignty of God and that He let this happen. Now I have 9 days of killing time before I go, not ideal considering I have little to do right now. I’ve got to process these emotions and then get onto something productive.
But one thing that is overshadowing this whole experience right now is joy. God has finally managed to teach me what joy is and how it is strong and robust, not swayed by the things that are thrown at you, but so centred upon the finished work of the cross that it can’t be taken by the world. Even if you lose everything – your friends, family, possessions, livelihood and anything else, you can’t lose God’s love for you and the finished work of the cross. It is steadfast; it is unchanging; it is forever. This is true joy: not that life is going well for you and that you have all that you desire – that is happiness – but that you truly grasp what Christ has done for you and how it is everything you need. This is true joy and this is what I can say, without question, that I have. Sometimes it takes things falling apart for things to fall into place.